Young fathers receive little attention and are often quickly seen as vulnerable. The PhD research of Justine van de Beek (Erasmus School of Health Policy & Management) shows that this is only part of the story. Many young fathers demonstrate considerable resilience and are strongly motivated to be good dads. But that ‘I’ll deal with it myself’ attitude also has a downside.
When Tom (a fictitious name, as are the other names in this article) found out that his girlfriend was pregnant, he had a panic attack. “I was completely stressed out, panicking. I couldn’t think straight anymore,” he later told researcher Justine van de Beek. Tom was 24 and the pregnancy had not been planned. Other young fathers also described the initial period using words such as panic, powerlessness and shock.
Yet that is only one side of the story. For one of her sub-studies, Van de Beek interviewed fourteen men who had unexpectedly become fathers for the first time. Their average age was 22. Finding them was not easy. Van de Beek even enlisted Dutch presenter Tim Hofman, who used his social media channels to encourage young fathers to take part. Her research challenges a persistent assumption: that young parents are, by definition, vulnerable.
It is also a group that receives relatively little attention. Care and support services for young parents tend to focus primarily on mothers. Young fathers also remain largely overlooked in research and policymaking. “When I talk about my research at a birthday party, people immediately recognise the issue,” says the PhD candidate. “People often know someone who became a parent at a young age. But you hardly ever see young fathers represented in the media or in policy. And when they are, it is often in a negative context.”
Still growing up yourself
That does not mean things are easy for these fathers. Gregory, aged 24, was afraid he would not be a good father. His own father had barely been involved in raising him. “I never had the chance to experience up close what being a father is like,” he said. Other young men struggled with money, housing, or combining work with education. Eighteen-year-old Jordi was constantly worried about his finances. Alongside his full-time internship, he therefore worked during his holidays. “You are still in the process of becoming an adult yourself, while also having to care for a child. You have school, and you have to think about money,” the researcher explains.
But it was precisely in the way these fathers dealt with such difficulties that Van de Beek saw considerable resilience. They worked more hours, saved money, looked for somewhere to live and were strongly motivated to be good fathers. Some were determined to do things differently from their own dads.
Trying hard also has a downside
At times, vulnerability and resilience proved to be two sides of the same coin. During the pregnancy, Dave threw himself into working and saving. His girlfriend felt that this meant he was not sufficiently focused on the arrival of their child. Dave saw it differently. In his view, his own father had not been financially responsible, and he wanted to make sure his new family would not go without.
This is one of the key findings of Van de Beek’s dissertation. The very attitude that helps young fathers keep going can also make them vulnerable. They get on with things, keep moving forward and try to solve problems on their own. As a result, they sometimes give themselves little space to process their emotions and are reluctant to ask for or accept help. Several fathers also said that people showed little interest in how they themselves were experiencing fatherhood.
When support becomes interference
A second assumption also turns out not always to be true: that social support is automatically beneficial. Family members can be enormously helpful to young fathers, providing financial support, housing and, above all, childcare. But help can also turn into interference.
For Gregory, this became very real. His mother was worried that he would see less of his child now that he and the child’s mother were no longer together, which would also mean that she would see less of her grandchild. She and Gregory’s sister therefore confronted the child’s mother. According to Gregory, she felt attacked as a result. What was intended as support ended up creating new tension.
Paying more attention to what fathers need
Professional support could also be better tailored to young fathers’ needs. Van de Beek surveyed 183 midwives and maternity care professionals. They generally had positive views of young fathers and said they provided them with a great deal of support. Even so, the type of support offered does not always match what young fathers actually need. Professionals place relatively strong emphasis on emotional and informational support, whereas young fathers may be more in need of concrete, practical help and recognition for what they are already doing.
Above all, Van de Beek hopes her research will contribute to a more nuanced view of young fathers. They may be vulnerable, but at the same time she saw how motivated many of them are to get their lives on track and be good fathers. Good support therefore requires an understanding of both sides of the picture. And it also requires something very simple: paying attention to the father himself. “Many fathers said that hardly anyone ever asked them how they were doing. Yet that question alone can make a difference.”
- PhD student
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